Well, looks like I'm just a bag full of useless lately. I don't know what to do with myself.
And here I am, trying to decide whether or not I should pursue a stupid relationship that I can't get out of my system, or if I should delete him and erase this thing entirely from my life.
I'm considering the latter. Considering. I can't be around him.
I'm just hurting.
I can't get over something, and it's killing me considering that I want to. I wish I knew how to end it all and get it out of my system. But everytime I turn around...
There he is.
I can't escape it. And every moment I'm still waiting. Waiting for things to change.
I know I should know better, but truth is. I can't.
I'm tired of waiting around for things to change. I'm tired of you saying that you want to go back to the way we were. If you really wanted that, you'd let it happen. You know, if you just want me out of your life, all you have to do is say so. I'm sick of forcing myself into it. I feel like such an idiot, every single time. All you wanted was for me to try, then. Now I'm trying and that's not working for you. Well, I'm sorry. I just want things to go back to how they were. You've lost your respect for me?
I don't care if you don't respect me.
Because of you, I don't respect myself.
I'm so sick. So, so, so sick. I don't want to keep trying, but for some strange and sick reason, I care about our relationship. You were my bestfriend, above all else. I don't care about my "boyfriend". I care about my friend. I didn't care about that stupid relationship. Which, could have worked. But to be completely honest, everyone around me telling me that it couldn't work made me hate it. Nothing works anymore for me. I'm sick of this, I won't be the one to chase you anymore. I'll be waiting, if you ever change your mind. But until then.
Stop letting me hurt myself.
