TUESDAY, MAY 04 2010, 4:37PM

Happy Tuesday, looks like it's another lovely afternoon. Sun is shining, and just like always - the storm always passes! So, in my keeping up with blogging efforts, it's time for my Tuesday post. My faaavorite quote of the week! This weeks choice comes from a lovely little book "He's just not that into you" of which, I will soon start reading. I realize it's time to grow up, and get over what was. Sure, I'm seeing a great guy who likes me for me - but the truth is, I'm still hung up on my ex. Sigh, I'm such a girl! Anyways, in light of that - here's this weeks quote :)

"Don't be flattered that he misses you. He should miss you. You're deeply missable. However, he's still the same person who just broke up with you. Remember, the only reason he can miss you is because he's choosing, every day, not to be with you."

- He's just not that into you by by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo

And that's the cold, hard truth. I know it's one of those hard things to think about, but in all honesty, yes - he decided not to be with you. So, if you're like me, and hung up, here's what you need to know: If he made the decision, there was a reason. There's no use in chasing him, especially if you're the one making all the effort. If he wants to see you, he will. If he wants to talk to you, he will. If what he wants is you to disappear from his life, you will. And he won't make any effort until he realizes what he's missing. And that's when you'll get him back. Maybe never in the same way, but if you're like me - and all you want is to be friends again, then that will bring you happiness. Just let him miss you.

Hope you have a happy Tuesday. I'm off to work, where I will have a wonderful man visit me, the one who wants to be in my life :) and tomorrow off to Toronto for some shopping! Things are looking up all the time. Always remember to smile!

MONDAY, MAY 3 2010, 11:46PM

Wow, it's been forever since I've updated my blog. I guess life's been a little bit hectic. I guess it's settling. Maybe I'm just settling. I'm getting used to the loneliness, I'm getting used to being exactly who I will be for the rest of my life

- I'm settling for second best.

Things have been upside down, and I guess I'm just accepting them. I'm not here to write about that, however. Since it's been ages since I've updated, I wanted to start with my favorite post, postsecret! This weeks secret:

Although I can't exactly entirely relate - there is a freedom I'm loving in absolutely abandoning everything I lived for. I can't describe why. I've never felt more alone in my life, but I've never felt like I've had more potential to do anything more in my life. I'm leaving eveything behind because I've lost my love for most things. I don't know why, but I've become so utterly hopeless. So, in everything I've decided to leave behind, I've found a little solace. I don't know why I needed to do it, but I did. I haven't found happiness in my day to day life. When things changed, I didn't. I stayed the same and I couldn't figure out how to adapt. So, I'm changing my surroundings. I don't care if I lose my year over this. I'll start over new. Right now, this is all that's keeping me happy. All I want is to find love, all I want to feel love. To love and be loved. And, I've found the people in my life who make me feel that. I'm not gonig to waste my time on the people who make me hopeless. I know a lot of people don't really understand why I'm going, and I know there'll be a lot of rumours about where I go and why. But the truth is - I need out. I can't handle it. I'm not as strong as everyone thinks I am. So, I give. I've broken, and I give up. But it's this little piece of sadness that gives me happiness. I'm going to find something wonderful, and I'm going to do something wonderful. Because, when you've hit rock bottom, the only place you can go is up.

MONDAY, FEBRUARY 15 2010 - 9:08pm

WOW. I haven't written anything in such a long time.

Well, looks like I'm just a bag full of useless lately. I don't know what to do with myself.

And here I am, trying to decide whether or not I should pursue a stupid relationship that I can't get out of my system, or if I should delete him and erase this thing entirely from my life.

I'm considering the latter. Considering. I can't be around him.

I'm just hurting.

I can't get over something, and it's killing me considering that I want to. I wish I knew how to end it all and get it out of my system. But everytime I turn around...

There he is.

I can't escape it. And every moment I'm still waiting. Waiting for things to change.

I know I should know better, but truth is. I can't.

I'm tired of waiting around for things to change. I'm tired of you saying that you want to go back to the way we were. If you really wanted that, you'd let it happen. You know, if you just want me out of your life, all you have to do is say so. I'm sick of forcing myself into it. I feel like such an idiot, every single time. All you wanted was for me to try, then. Now I'm trying and that's not working for you. Well, I'm sorry. I just want things to go back to how they were. You've lost your respect for me?

I don't care if you don't respect me.

Because of you, I don't respect myself.

I'm so sick. So, so, so sick. I don't want to keep trying, but for some strange and sick reason, I care about our relationship. You were my bestfriend, above all else. I don't care about my "boyfriend". I care about my friend. I didn't care about that stupid relationship. Which, could have worked. But to be completely honest, everyone around me telling me that it couldn't work made me hate it. Nothing works anymore for me. I'm sick of this, I won't be the one to chase you anymore. I'll be waiting, if you ever change your mind. But until then.

Stop letting me hurt myself.