TUESDAY, MAY 04 2010, 4:37PM

Happy Tuesday, looks like it's another lovely afternoon. Sun is shining, and just like always - the storm always passes! So, in my keeping up with blogging efforts, it's time for my Tuesday post. My faaavorite quote of the week! This weeks choice comes from a lovely little book "He's just not that into you" of which, I will soon start reading. I realize it's time to grow up, and get over what was. Sure, I'm seeing a great guy who likes me for me - but the truth is, I'm still hung up on my ex. Sigh, I'm such a girl! Anyways, in light of that - here's this weeks quote :)

"Don't be flattered that he misses you. He should miss you. You're deeply missable. However, he's still the same person who just broke up with you. Remember, the only reason he can miss you is because he's choosing, every day, not to be with you."

- He's just not that into you by by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo

And that's the cold, hard truth. I know it's one of those hard things to think about, but in all honesty, yes - he decided not to be with you. So, if you're like me, and hung up, here's what you need to know: If he made the decision, there was a reason. There's no use in chasing him, especially if you're the one making all the effort. If he wants to see you, he will. If he wants to talk to you, he will. If what he wants is you to disappear from his life, you will. And he won't make any effort until he realizes what he's missing. And that's when you'll get him back. Maybe never in the same way, but if you're like me - and all you want is to be friends again, then that will bring you happiness. Just let him miss you.

Hope you have a happy Tuesday. I'm off to work, where I will have a wonderful man visit me, the one who wants to be in my life :) and tomorrow off to Toronto for some shopping! Things are looking up all the time. Always remember to smile!

MONDAY, MAY 3 2010, 11:46PM

Wow, it's been forever since I've updated my blog. I guess life's been a little bit hectic. I guess it's settling. Maybe I'm just settling. I'm getting used to the loneliness, I'm getting used to being exactly who I will be for the rest of my life

- I'm settling for second best.

Things have been upside down, and I guess I'm just accepting them. I'm not here to write about that, however. Since it's been ages since I've updated, I wanted to start with my favorite post, postsecret! This weeks secret:

Although I can't exactly entirely relate - there is a freedom I'm loving in absolutely abandoning everything I lived for. I can't describe why. I've never felt more alone in my life, but I've never felt like I've had more potential to do anything more in my life. I'm leaving eveything behind because I've lost my love for most things. I don't know why, but I've become so utterly hopeless. So, in everything I've decided to leave behind, I've found a little solace. I don't know why I needed to do it, but I did. I haven't found happiness in my day to day life. When things changed, I didn't. I stayed the same and I couldn't figure out how to adapt. So, I'm changing my surroundings. I don't care if I lose my year over this. I'll start over new. Right now, this is all that's keeping me happy. All I want is to find love, all I want to feel love. To love and be loved. And, I've found the people in my life who make me feel that. I'm not gonig to waste my time on the people who make me hopeless. I know a lot of people don't really understand why I'm going, and I know there'll be a lot of rumours about where I go and why. But the truth is - I need out. I can't handle it. I'm not as strong as everyone thinks I am. So, I give. I've broken, and I give up. But it's this little piece of sadness that gives me happiness. I'm going to find something wonderful, and I'm going to do something wonderful. Because, when you've hit rock bottom, the only place you can go is up.

MONDAY, FEBRUARY 15 2010 - 9:08pm

WOW. I haven't written anything in such a long time.

Well, looks like I'm just a bag full of useless lately. I don't know what to do with myself.

And here I am, trying to decide whether or not I should pursue a stupid relationship that I can't get out of my system, or if I should delete him and erase this thing entirely from my life.

I'm considering the latter. Considering. I can't be around him.

I'm just hurting.

I can't get over something, and it's killing me considering that I want to. I wish I knew how to end it all and get it out of my system. But everytime I turn around...

There he is.

I can't escape it. And every moment I'm still waiting. Waiting for things to change.

I know I should know better, but truth is. I can't.

I'm tired of waiting around for things to change. I'm tired of you saying that you want to go back to the way we were. If you really wanted that, you'd let it happen. You know, if you just want me out of your life, all you have to do is say so. I'm sick of forcing myself into it. I feel like such an idiot, every single time. All you wanted was for me to try, then. Now I'm trying and that's not working for you. Well, I'm sorry. I just want things to go back to how they were. You've lost your respect for me?

I don't care if you don't respect me.

Because of you, I don't respect myself.

I'm so sick. So, so, so sick. I don't want to keep trying, but for some strange and sick reason, I care about our relationship. You were my bestfriend, above all else. I don't care about my "boyfriend". I care about my friend. I didn't care about that stupid relationship. Which, could have worked. But to be completely honest, everyone around me telling me that it couldn't work made me hate it. Nothing works anymore for me. I'm sick of this, I won't be the one to chase you anymore. I'll be waiting, if you ever change your mind. But until then.

Stop letting me hurt myself.

SUNDAY, DECEMBER 26 2009 - 4:12pm

Sunday's are probably my favorite day of the week, honestly. PostSecret day. How could it not be my favorite day of the week. So, this week had some pretty good secrets. God, I love them all. But, this is my favorite from this week :)

Sometimes faith is what gives you the capability to see the world the way you do. Without faith, maybe you feel a little less of the beauty. I know, when I lose something - I write better. Alot of people have to suffer for artistry. Personally, I would give up my writing if it mean't I would never lose anything important to me. Speaking of losing things, I've lost all ambition for this posting. Which is weird... I haven't been myself lately. Here's to another week. Goodnight, lovely.

FRIDAY DECEMBER 25 2009 - 9:32pm

Merry Christmas to you, and you and you. Joyeux vendredi, mes amis. So I guess it's time to talk about my favorite part of this past week. Tough call, considering all the good and bad that have gone on. Christmas, Christmas eve, shopping. Oh, plenty. We'll go with something that's kinda lame, but pretty important to me:

It was decided that my relationship was better off as just friends. Of course, that's a spectacular thing to hear (on Christmas eve, for that matter) And as you can imagine - I'm not entirely thrilled. But here's the reason that's important to me - It just so turns out he's my best friend. And if just being friends is what he wants, that's what matters to me. Because he matters to me. Our friendship is kind of amazing, and it means more to me than anything in the world. So, in a way, it's kind of the best Christmas gift I could have gotten from him. All I need is him in my life. And no matter what, I do love him. Things should finally clear up, and I can stop being so friggen cynical all the time. In the words of the text I recieved from a good friend after the break up

"...maybe the good things fell apart, maybe you feel like you did too. better things will come together, and you'll see you're just longing for that feeling of belonging. you missed feeling whole, but all along, you never broke - you just needed someone to show you that all the pieces you had already fit together, and all you are is all someone will ever need. maybe the right someone hasn't come along. you need someone who you can hold together, who will never let you fall apart. when your time comes, you'll look back and see everything you thought left you broken lead you right to where you are - right where you belong."

And the bad things will lead to the good, eventually. I'm very happy - because I do have so much love in my heart for that man, that any way he is in my life, is perfect to me. Now that I'm done with the cheese of the week. I hope everyone's Christmas was merry. Mine was as joyous as possible considering the events that preceded it. Understand what love means, and have a great night. Goodnight, lovely.

THURSDAY, DECEMBER 24 2009 - 12:26pm

Hey Thursday risers, it's fun fact day. In the spirit of Christmas, I found the REAL cost of the twelve days of Christmas in 2009. On the first day of Christmas, MY true love gave to me - a break up. Yes, on Christmas eve. HA! My life sucks, but here's your fun fact of the week. Here we go!

Real Cost Of The 12 Days Of Christmas for 2009:

One Partridge in a Pear Tree: $159

Two Turtle Doves: $56.00

Three French Hens: $45.00

Four Calling Birds: $599.96

Five Gold Rings: $500

Six Geese-a-Laying: $150.00

Seven Swans-a-Swimming: $5,250

Eight Maids-a-Milking: now charging $7.25 an hour

Nine Ladies Dancing: $5,473

Ten Lords-a-Leaping: $4,413.61

Eleven Pipers Piping: $2,284.80

Twelve Drummers Drumming: $2,475.20

So, essentially - the twelve days of Christmas would cost around $23,685.57. That must be one true love. Personally, I'd settle for a nice diamond or something. Where can I find this true love? Someone let me know. Hope everyone's enjoying their holiday's, have some egg nog - leave out the rum, though, darlings. I'm having too much. And while you're enjoying your candy canes, download the song Kung Pao Buckaroo Holiday. Have a good chuckle. Merry Christmas or Happy Holiday's to you all. Goodnight, lovely.

WEDNESDAY, DECEMEBER 23 2009 - 11:29pm

WELCOME TO WEDNESDAY. I like caps lock. It makes me happy. So, bloggly. It's day re-count time. AREN'T YOU SO EXCITED? I am. Lets do this! Dun, dun, dun!

-I woke up to a text from my cousin from Peterborough, asking me if I was working today. I was confused at the fact that my cousin was texting me, and replied that no. I wasn't working, but I would see her at family dinner tomorrow at my house. She abruptly said Ok see you tomorrow bye. Did I mention I HATE abrupt texts? Just saying.

-I was re-woken up by Elizabeth's texts, who wanted to go to the mall! TWO DAYS BEFORE CHRISTMAS. Today was her Christmas though. Jew.

-Got out of bed, looked at my hair. And decided it was gross. But I didn't care. Washed my face, brushed my teeth, put my hair up. Decided, I did not care.

-Did my make up listening to my iPod. Texted random people. Decided hair needed to come down, took it down. Flat ironed it. Decided it looked better today being disgustingly nasty, but better than normal. I should not wash my hair more often. It had volume. My hair never has volume.

-Liz picked me up. Went to New Sudbury Shopping Centre. Stalked people to find parking spots. LOL'z. Listened to the Hedley's "The Show Must Go". Love. Shopped, bought nothing, everything was blah. And I know Christmas is two days away, so I didn't want to buy anything.

-We went to Old Navy. Bought matching water bottles to mix drinks in for New Years Eve. It's going to be a blasty blast, decided - we are getting wasted. Fun.

-Starbucks was next on the list. Caramel Brulé Frappucino for me, Vanilla Bean Frappucino for Liz, no whipped cream on hers. COOL.

-CAR WASH. CAR WASH. They scare me, holy shit they scare me. But we survived :)

-Went to the gas station, got gas, Liz's Dad measure for wiper blades for the car.

-Went to McDonalds. Ugh, fast food. But, fast food.

-Southridge Mall was next. Wow, it's dead. There is nothing in there. Nothing.

(Did I mention, I saw four present/former Science North employee's throughout the day. That was really, really, really weird.)

-Got dropped off at home. Began cleaning the bathroom, it smelled of lysol and was wonderful. Kaitlyn called. Momma brought home dinner, thanks Momma. Ate quickly. Neighbours showed up. Liz texted me, and wanted to go out to Williams. THANK GOD. I love my neighbours, they're really nice people, but oh my God they are loud. Ate food. Got changed. Left.

-Went to Tim Horton's for coffee with Liz. Hot chocolate, actually. Sat there. Talked. ETC. Then she drove me home :) I love her. She's great. MERRY XMAS LIZZY POO.

-Came home, neighbours still here. Still loud. FML. More cleaning. More phone. More texting.

AND that's about my day up until now. I'm on the phone, talking on MSN. And enjoying the fact that Christmas is nearly over. I'm so stressed out, I can't wait for it to be done. Did I mention, I'm stressed? Oh, God. LET IT END. Hope you're all enjoying your break.
Goodnight, lovely.